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The Top 16 Little-Known Oscar Nominations

16> Best Imitation of Acting by a Bad Martial Artist -- Steven Seagal

15> Best Grip -- Monica Lewinsky

14> Breast Supporting Actress -- Demi Moore

13> Actor Slammed Most Often in a Top 5 List -- Pauly Shore

12> Largest Ego Squeezed Onto a Movie Set -- Val Kilmer

11> Best Animated Film With No Plans for a Subsequent National Tour With "On Ice" After Its Name -- no nominations this year

10> Best Use of Erect Nipples in a Feature Length Film to Draw Attention from Face -- Helen Hunt, "As Good As It Gets"

9> Best Performance by a Baldwin or Wayans -- Alec (again)

8> Best Performance in a Romance -- Pamela Anderson Lee; Best Animated Long Feature -- Tommy Lee

7> Best Performance by a Frosty Bobbing Cadaver -- Colin Winthorpe, "Titanic"

6> Best Occupation for Your Character When Playing Opposite a Babe -- Leonardo DiCaprio's nude sketch artist, "Titanic"

5> Fastest to be Dumped When Boyfriend Reached Stardom -- Minnie Driver, by Matt Damon

4> Most Thorough Research by an Actor Who May Someday Play a Cowering Pretty-Boy Cellmate -- Robert Downey, Jr.

3> Special "American Gigolo" Award -- James Brolin

2> Vocal Performance from a Movie Soundtrack That Most Makes One Envious of Those Who Drowned in the Film Because They Never Had to Hear This Overdramatic Crap Over and Over -- Celine Dion, "Titanic"

and the Number 1 Little-Known Oscar Nomination...

1> Fullest Monty -- Dirk Diggler, "Boogie Nights"