The Top 16 Little-Known Oscar Nominations
16> Best Imitation of Acting by a Bad Martial Artist
-- Steven Seagal
15> Best Grip -- Monica Lewinsky
14> Breast Supporting Actress -- Demi Moore
13> Actor Slammed Most Often in a Top 5 List -- Pauly Shore
12> Largest Ego Squeezed Onto a Movie Set -- Val Kilmer
11> Best Animated Film With No Plans for a Subsequent National
Tour With "On Ice" After Its Name -- no nominations this year
10> Best Use of Erect Nipples in a Feature Length Film to Draw
Attention from Face -- Helen Hunt, "As Good As It Gets"
9> Best Performance by a Baldwin or Wayans -- Alec (again)
8> Best Performance in a Romance -- Pamela Anderson Lee;
Best Animated Long Feature -- Tommy Lee
7> Best Performance by a Frosty Bobbing Cadaver
-- Colin Winthorpe, "Titanic"
6> Best Occupation for Your Character When Playing Opposite a
Babe -- Leonardo DiCaprio's nude sketch artist, "Titanic"
5> Fastest to be Dumped When Boyfriend Reached Stardom
-- Minnie Driver, by Matt Damon
4> Most Thorough Research by an Actor Who May Someday Play
a Cowering Pretty-Boy Cellmate -- Robert Downey, Jr.
3> Special "American Gigolo" Award -- James Brolin
2> Vocal Performance from a Movie Soundtrack That Most Makes
One Envious of Those Who Drowned in the Film Because They
Never Had to Hear This Overdramatic Crap Over and Over
-- Celine Dion, "Titanic"
and the Number 1 Little-Known Oscar Nomination...
1> Fullest Monty -- Dirk Diggler, "Boogie Nights"