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-During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

-All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. -Most dogs are immortal.

-If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

-All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

-All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

-It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

-Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

-The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.

No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

-If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

-You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

-Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

-The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

-A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

-Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

-If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

-All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

-It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-Men always shower with their backs to the door or curtain.